8. Two Weeks of Pain: The Research Continues

Two Weeks of Pain: The Research Continues

Chapter 8

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain. - Roy Batty, Blade Runner

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. - Psalms

Over 21 observations, the main means of communication which I observed with _______ were smiling, eye contact, verbal utterances, and initiating play, communication, or interaction. Smiles were noted in 14 of 21 observations, eye contact in 11 of 21 observations, verbal utterances in 10 of 21 observations and initiating play, communication or interaction in 13 of 21 observations.
Reporting from a more quantitative point of view:

Near the end of the observational period, _______ was absent for four days. The observation on the fourth day was that _______ grabbed hold of this researcher placed his lips on top of the researcher's sucking them into his mouth and hugged and hugged the researcher, not wanting to let go. Eventually the researcher had to break the lip lock.

The next observation took place a week later. At this time, _______ just stared in the researcher's eyes. He would not smile. He did not react to hugs and kisses and the researcher telling him, "I love you". When the researcher held him, he pushed his little body away. After this, the child was no longer available for observation.

In class, during our sharing time, I reported it this way so that people might note the differences in a more quantitative verses a more qualitative observation. In an isolated quantitative research environment the reasons for the changes might be overlooked. In qualitative research, the researcher could ask people connected with the research subject questions that might clarify the reasons for the change in the child's behavior.

The facts were that _______ had been living with the grandmother since birth, that the grandmother was the child's primary caregiver because the mother was unable to care for the child. The mother had left the home, removed by the police, and the child was with the grandmother for three months.

When the grandmother filed for custody, the mother suddenly removed the child from the grandmother's house. During the next two weeks the child was bounced from place to place with no one person, including the mother, staying with the child. During this time, the mother was denying the grandmother access.

However, the grandmother was able to see the child for a short time during the fourth days and then for about five minutes a week after that. The study subject then disappeared because Children's Services took the child away from the mother three days after the last observation.

When the child was first placed in care, the mother continued to refused the grandmother access.

Observation # 19:
I have not seen _______ for four days. He is with people I know.

_______ has been away with the paternal relatives for the weekend. On Monday, the parents took _______ to these people to be looked after for the day. After work I go to their home. When I come through the door, _______ is put in my arms. He immediately hugs me tight while placing his lips right over my lips. His lips remain on mine as he continues to hug me and I hug him. We continue to hug. Eventually, and reluctantly, I break the lip lock and tell him that I love him and I hug him in return. I say to these people, " He must love me. He must have missed me". I hug him some more as I walk around. Eventually he squirms and I let him down to run around and play.

Observation # 20 (same visit as Observation #19):
I am holding _______ in my arms. _______ is smiling and "talking". It is time to leave. I put _______ down so that I can put my coat and boots on. _______ is walking around in front of me. I pick him up again and hug him. He is smiling. I know he thinks he is going with Grammie. But before I go out the door, the man takes _______. I suppose he does not want _______ to actually see me leave the apartment so he takes _______ from me and takes him into the bedroom. As he is walking down the hallway, _______ is looking over his shoulder at me. He is not smiling. He does not say anything, but his eyes are big and round. There is a look of alarm and panic on his face.

Observation # 21:
I have not seen _______ for a week. He is with his mother at her apartment. I am dropping off some clothes while she is waiting for a cab:
I knock on the door. I give the mother the clothes. She puts _______ in my arms. I hug him. _______ does not hug me. He is quiet. I hug him and kiss him many times and call him "my Pookie" (my special name for him) He just stares in my face. We all walk down to the front foyer. The cab is there. I carry him down the stairs and hold him while the mother puts the things in the trunk. _______ does not hug me. His body is pulled away from me and he is just staring me in the eye. I talk to him but there is no response. He just stares at me. Finally the mother takes him, puts him in the car and he is gone. Abject pain.

What I Learned

- To expect the unexpected - my research subject disappeared suddenly

- Observations might have been more accurately obtained if I had used a tape recorder. When spontaneous observations happened when I was tired, I found it difficult to discipline myself to get up and write my observations as soon as they occurred.

- I learned that it is important to base your research on something which you are truly interested in. When I first lost my research subject, I tried to observe the responses that bus drivers gave to people who were thanking the drivers as they left the bus. However, not being particularly interested, I found it hard to commit myself to regular observations. Eventually I decided to interview a couple who knew _______ to get their observations on _______'s communication skills. As it turned out, only the man would speak to me. _______'s absence had upset the woman too much and she was not willing to talk about _______ yet.

- Part way through the observations, I realized that I had neglected to report _______'s modes
of communication in more routine activities such as eating. This was corrected.

- I learned that _______'s scattering of books and toys after I picked them up was not meaningless. It had been an attempt to put the toys within easy reach. Though the stuffed toys still remained on the shelf and the assorted toys were still kept in a laundry basket on the floor, I found that when I kept his books on the floor beside the coffee table instead of on the coffee table that _______ would no longer scatter them around.


Update after classes finished - (Visible observations of the trauma of separation):

- After being separated from _______ for 6 weeks, at the first court appearance, a judge overrode my daughters objections, and I was immediately granted access to my grandson, _______.

- There has been 4 court dates in 4 weeks.

- At my 1st access visit with _______, he stared at me with penetrating eyes. He did not smile, he did not verbalize, and he did not interact with me.

- At the second visit, _______ began to verbalize a bit more but he was still not smiling and though he was playing around me he was not interacting with me.

- At the third visit, _______ was definitely interacting, and he was verbalizing more. He was only showing a hint of a smile for a split second a couple of times.

- By the fourth visit, _______ was verbalizing, interacting and he was finally smiling!

- By the 5th, 6th, and 7th visit, _______ was allowing himself to bond with me again. As a result he has begun to react to my leaving. This is a bit difficult, but it is a good sign.

Ending Statement:

When I began my observations I chose a topic which was interesting to me but which I though might be mundane to others. Little did I know that my grandson would suddenly be taken away and that I would be denied access to him for six weeks.

As a result, I was able to observe the changes of my grandson through a very stressful ordeal. I had been the one constant in this child's life and suddenly he was taken away and I was gone. _______ was too young to have anybody try to explain the situation to him.

When I finally saw him, I believe this child was confused as well as angry at me because of my absence. His pain and rejection were most apparent the last time I saw him during the actual study time (observation #21) and the first time I saw him after the judge ordered access.

Happy or sad, the mode of communication that was constant for _______ was his eye contact. As the man I interviewed about _______ said, "He speaks with his eyes".

Indeed he speaks both happiness, and sadness - as well as confusion - with his eyes.